Unpleasant memories - the events out of which these memories arose did not kill us off or make us clinically insane; so remembering them is an exercise in reminding myself that if I survived the actual event I will also survive the memory and that denial and/or suppression will interfere with my current life.
Memories are structured, and the way we structure them when we recall them makes a difference. The type of situation you brought up is when we structure them in "empowering"--or at least, useful, ways.
I am relatively emotionally detached compared to most people, but I have the same vulnerability to traumatizing memories. Actually, the memories don't really traumatize; it's the reaction to them. I'm currently working on my negative feelings as regards my childhood.
Here's a story:
A high-level nuclear engineer is very happy. He has a prestigious career in his country's national nuclear program, material wealth, and a young wife he adores.
One day, she's killed in a freak automobile accident.
He is devastated. While he is going through her belongings to sort them out, he finds something odd on her computer. He takes it to a friend who is a crackerjack computer geek. The geek works on it for two whole weeks, telling him simply that yes, there is something VERY strange going on. Finally he announces that there was a hidden security system on the computer that he has broken into. He shows the engineer what he found.
The engineer is horrified. It's full of top-secret communications between his wife and a foreign national black-ops service. She was a spy...and an assassin. She was within days of making the kill when plans were foiled by the freak accident.
Now he's REALLY distraught. She never really loved him. It was all an elaborate deception. She was going to kill him.
Odd thing: while he was in danger, he was happy. Once out of danger...he's traumatized!!
It's because of the shift in how he was mentally modelling the situation. The contextual frame of reference has shifted. It's like the Taoist story of the farmer and the wild horse:
A farmer caught a wild stallion. "How lucky!" said his neighbors. "We will see," he said.
The next day the stallion ran off. "What bad luck!" said his neighbors. "We will see," he said.
The next day the stallion trotted back...with a pregnant mare! "How lucky!" said his neighbors. "We will see," he said.
The next day the farmer's son broke his arm falling off the stallion trying to tame it. "What bad luck!" said his neighbors. "We will see," he said.
The next day the emperor's agents came through conscripting all able-bodied young men from the farming village. They left the farmer's son because of the broken arm. "How lucky!" said his neighbors. "We will see," he said...
The scenario in the story of the nuclear engineer is surprisingly common due to a limited perspective on the situation. What typically happens is that children are raised up into a situation from birth; the situation is not a secret, they just don't have the perspectives of someone coming from different life-origins. Then they grow up, and their perspectives shift.