I feel like a wanderer in a strange land. Not only was my own upbringing a horrible model for raising children, but my so-called "education" was all about trying to stuff politically-approved attitudes in my head, and had nothing to do with any of the most important phases of my lifecycle!!
We can do better. I avoided a lot of the mistakes of my own parents...and made my own. But I've learned a lot from raising one batch myself, and from watching other people raise their own. Using the "continuous quality improvement model", we can start with some baselines, and improve until we get it right.
Here is a short laundry-list of areas for improvement:
* Avoiding absent-parent situations and guilt. Probably the biggest reason so many young people are so bratty, is because their career-oriented parents spoil them with unearned privileges, perhaps out of guilt for not spending more time with them.
* Using more effective strategies for motivation. Bribes distort motives. Instead of doing their chores because the chores need to be done, children do them so that they can get their rewards. They quickly start realizing that the rewards are totally artificial, and since they already get a lot of privileges without earning them, they begin to actually resent their parents for requiring that any privileges be earned, and they resent doing any chores. Beatings and intimidation, which keep coming back as tried and true motivators, not only have some unpleasant side-effects (such as pain, injury, and sometimes death), but they also compromise the high level of family solidarity that we seek. Just imagine a son or daughter getting indoctrinated by a seemingly sympathetic teacher who tells them how bad their parents are!
* Finding better choices for our offspring's time and attention than commercial entertainment and State indoctrination.
* Helping our children become competent and productive.
* Teaching our children how to be spouses and parents themselves in their own turn.
